Preface

Chapter 1 So you want to help people?

Motives and hidden agendas
Official and unofficial theories of helping
Counselling: the instrumental view
Counselling: being with, not doing to
Training: a change to find out what counseling is actually like
Youth and maturity: advantages and diusadvantages
What lies ahead for you?
Chapter summary

Chapter 2 Being there: Skills of holding

Holding: the default setting
Minimal encouragers and attending skills
Why holding matters
The metaphor of holding
Staying out of the way: the purposeful use of silence
Why is it important to wait before responding?
Personalities make a difference
The metaphor of reflection
Key points about the skill of reflecting
The reflecting exercise
Simple empathic responses
Empathic sentence completion
Summarising
The place of holding skills in ongoing counselling
Chapter summary

Chapter 3 The story unfolds: Skills of exploring

The metaphor of exploration
Thoughtful questioning
Questions that follow the client's lead
Exploring gaps and missing bits
What's really happening? what, when and how questions
What's it like. . . ? Questions that explore experience
Exploring connections between past and present
What does that mean to you?'
Why not ask 'why?'
From exploration to intervention
Chapter summary

Chapter 4 The elephant in the room: The first three sessions

Introduction
The first session: telling the story
What if you can't get a word in?
What if clients don't want to tell their story?
The first session: forming an attachment
Three ways of attaching
Anxiety and politeness in the first session
The second session
Attachment is a two-way thing
The iceberg and its tip
The third session: challenge and response
How do you learn to 'do immediacy'?
The third session phenomenon revisited
Chapter summary

Chapter 5 Fix the problem, or re-parent the person? Alternative paths in counselling
and therapy

Where we started: psychoanalysis
Problem-focused models
Is the right model for you the right model for your client?
What are the implications for you?
Chapter summary

Chapter 6 Gentle honesty: Skills of encounter

Terrible twos and rebellious teens
Beyond confrontation: gentle honesty
Pointing out a theme
Connecting past and present: suggesting a meaning
Acknowledging contradictions and discrepancies
Beyond transference interpretation: offering feedback in the here and now
When the challenge comes from the client
Conclusion
Chapter summary

Chapter 7 'Giving wise advice': Skills of coaching

Meeting as equals
'Giving wise advice'
Normalising and providing information
Are clients ready to change?
Assisting the change process
Timing and motivation
Exploring past attempts to change
Why change is difficult
Taking the long way: change coaching in action
Bearing witness to change: increasing motivation by operant conditioning
Highlighting success by offering warnings
Chapter summary

Chapter 8 'But how do you know when they've finished?': Supervised work
with clients

What will the next year be like?
There's always more to learn
Where do you stand?
Individual clients, relationship issues
What if my client doesn't come back?
Is it wrong for clients to depend on you?
Fees and gifts
What if one of my clients commits suicide?
What supervision can do, and what it can't
You can't take your client where you haven't been yourself
When following the client isn't enough
How do I know when they've finished?
How can I be there for clients if I am falling apart?
What being a counsellor or therapist will mean

Endnotes

Must-read books

Index